Rocking mayhem and the menopause………


How to parent badly!

mayhem 8

My darling Lucy,

I always would have imagined that I would be so much safer and less disruptive if ever confined to my normal, natural habitat. I have of course proved myself totally wrong by simply intensifying the madness that existed before when confined to a small space! This recovery thingy from a hysterectomy which essentially sends an already loopy bird into surgical menopause, really should come with all the after care of a frontal lobotomy.

I’ve had the dilemma of running out of thigh space for the HRT patch (never thought that lack of surface area of MY thighs would ever be an issue) – only to be told in a roll your eye gesture by my 12-going-on-25 year old that I do actually have another leg I could try. THAT was an oversight I could live with but oh to see the faces of my family as I was rushing around the house, talking to my boss on the phone, making hand gestures and mouthing obscenities at my beloved and kids implicating them in losing my phone…………..which I was talking into…………. only to then hear Ed very gently and quietly saying to the children, “OK kids, come away from your mother.”

As they all retreated out of the living room it dawned on me that Ed had really got to grips with how to deal with my rather odd moments of late. Last week I managed to have a text argument with him, from start to finish, that is from initial and general name calling, showing overall dissatisfaction with him to making up with him and forgiving him without him even being involved. That’s right, my mood swings were such that his presence or response was simply not required to get me through my little rant. He was thrilled when he finally read all his messages from me that day to find that I had sorted out all our marital disagreements all by myself. He has of course been warned since that this kind of neglectful behaviour will not be tolerated for long, I don’t think he heard me as he left for work whilst I was in mid conversation with him.

This strange behaviour has spilled over into my work too. I have had to apologise to various schools for sending them various worlds on Minecraft when copying and pasting messages that should be about their children’s safety behind the wheel of a car, with one school I had to apologise for sending them a selfie of me and my dog by accident. I’m sure the P45 won’t take too long to get here.

Then you have to see the funny side of all this, seeing adverts for Vaseline with the soundtrack of Billy Ocean’s, “Love really hurts without you.” really made me smile, or did I just imagine that…………..

La la la la la la la off I go…………………

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