I can’t believe we’re hurtling towards the Autumn holidays already and I’m not sure about the children but I’ve certainly learnt a lot this term. For instance, I’ve learnt that you should never turn up to the school quiz night a bottle of white wine the worse for wear. Let me tell you neither gushing over the headmistress and telling her how much you love her, nor correcting the quiz master on his poor use of grammar and punctuation are likely to be well received.
And in a similar vein, I also learnt that telling your daughter to tell her teacher that I don’t care if her handwriting is bad because she’s going to be a doctor is unlikely to make you popular in the staff room and confessing to the school secretary that the reason you missed parent consultations again, was that your school filing system amounts to nothing more sophisticated than the foot well of your car, never goes down well.
I also learnt that when giving a speech to the local Speakers Club you need to be careful when describing your husband as a porn king and finally I learnt that as the holidays approach, you should always be mindful of the fact that your husband has fitted the roof box and never, ever under estimate the size of your when negotiating a small car park unless you are entirely happy about lieing to your husband about the resulting damage.
But on a lighter note, the said offending husband has kindly chosen the week that the cat got fleas and that we leave on holiday, to strip out the utility room, re- decorate the kitchen and fix the washing machine. The result is I have several industrial sized piles of washing, water spraying everywhere, a Bulgarian stranger called Boris camped out in the kitchen in fear of the dog and a sitting room piled from floor to ceiling with miscellaneous kitchen and utility items that I hoped to never see again. Is it unreasonable to be cross about having to step across a chain saw, punch bag and set of golf clubs in order to mop up the flood and feed the children? We leave for France tomorrow and I may not come back.