There’s nothing quite like receiving a message from you, when I’m half way up a ladder and contemplating doing an undignified forward roll through an upstairs window which I’ve just jimmied open to the cheers of my feral children. A skirt was the wrong choice today, as my neighbour pointed out in the face of my disappearing behind and yes, you’re correct in assuming, that for the 5th time recently, I’d locked myself out.
Likewise I can report it was a summer of mishaps and fuck ups on my part. At the end of term I had the dubious pleasure of driving the bus on the school trip. It wouldn’t have been so bad that I took the children to the wrong venue had I not already heard an anxious tutting noise from the teacher after I put my foot down and accelerated hard passed that long line of queuing traffic in an attempt to make up time. How was I supposed to know that poor child suffered from travel sickness or that mini buses had quite such bad cornering abilities!
Another high point of my summer cringe-worthiness was the moment in the French vets when in order to alleviate a palable air of tension, I light heartedly joked with the women next to me about how nervous her dog looked about his visit, only to watch her leave 10 minutes later with a dog shaped box under her arm!
And I’ve hit the deck running this term already, winning the worst parent of the week award no fewer than three times already for my failure to remember school meetings, my inability to get my children into the correct school attire and my refusal to sign forms requiring my own good behaviour.
But I set out this week full of good intention to buy my husband a birthday present, only to find myself momentarily distracted by a BeeGees song and subsequently knocking myself out in the frozen section of Tesco. I’m still not what sure what the causal link was but I do know that I still feel distinctly ambiguous towards frozen peas and Maurice Gibb.
So as I said to myself, as my middle child asked a group of young men if they were pikeys (and I’m reasonably confident from their reaction that they were), things can only get worse.
Here’s hoping your week was better than mine!