Pond life.

Dear Emma,

When you start a Monday (and your wedding anniversary) with a naked stranger in the woods, you know it’s going to be one hell of a week. I can only hope that my new and fleeting acquaintance got the experience he was hoping for, but it was remiss of him not to check whether or not I had a very large (and not under enthusiastic) dog with me before he tendered his wares quite so blatantly.

She ain't small and she can do "scary"

She ain’t small and she can do “scary”

But I have to say the look of what I think was genuine fear in his eyes and then the sight of his naked behind bobbing away through the undergrowth as he scrambled to pull up his trousers before the dog tore them off him, is one I’m unlikely to forget in a hurry and neither, I suspect, will he.

Tuesday can’t have been said to have gone much better although I have to ask what thoughtless fool at the school thought it would be a good idea to encourage children to show an interest in “mini beasts”? Whoever it was, had clearly not spent any time with mine, who have taken pond dipping to a new level.  So how do you explain that one of your children fell in a pond on the way to school and the other appears to be sporting pond weed in their hair?

By Wednesday I was quietly optimistic that the worst was over until it became apparent that a packet of crab sticks is lodged somewhere under the back seat of the car. Let’s just hope the good weather holds until the worst of the decomposition is over and as usual, I’m trying not to park near anybody else (especially Brown Owl Who let’s face it already has a very poor opinion of me and my animal welfare record).

The sweet smell of success

The sweet smell of success

So Thursday should have been a breeze and all I had to do was give a short but professional presentation to the Chamber of Commerce. So what in god’s name possessed me to start manhandling a very large and ever so slightly decrepit guinea pig cage into the back of my car 5 minutes before I was due to be there. I didn’t have the heart to tell the man sitting next to me that the stain on my white shirt was not chocolate but on the plus side, the car has taken on a whole new aroma (note to self: never, ever open the sunroof when you have a car full of wee’d on sawdust because the resulting sawdust tornado doesn’t make for perfect driving conditions).

How to make an instant impression.

How to make an instant impression.

Tomorrow is Friday, thank goodness and I’m not going out.



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