The cupboard is bare and the breakfast is burnt.

Dear Emma,

This week has been a week of lessons learnt the hard way. They need little expansion:

1. Never experiment with chemicals when cleaning the loo. The resulting explosion can be hard to explain.

2. Notwithstanding there is nothing else in the cupboard to put in their lunch box, jelly that is 4 years out of date will make your child sick (although personally I blame Grandma for that one).

mad mothering

They think I’m on a spectrum.

3. Just because your child has never mentioned that she plays an exotic musical instrument, doesn’t mean she doesn’t. Attend all school concerts to be on the safe side or risk shame.

4. Just because you get 45 likes on a Facebook comment, doesn’t mean you are either popular of funny. It’s more likely to be a case that your computer has a virus so don’t go bragging.

5. If your sister in law has a best friend called Nina de Pina (yes really) do not greet her with the words, “You must be a friend of Olga da Polga.” unless you are sure all concerned have a sense of humour.

6. Do not say “oh cock” to a teacher however extreme the circumstances.

7. Remain vigilant. Just because you think you have remembered all their homework, probably means you haven’t.

Hope your week was better than mine!





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