Dings, dents and dogs!

My dear Lucy,
I have been quiet for a little while, for this apologise. I would dearly love to tell you that this is because nothing too bizarre has happened to me recently, but sadly no, I have been flying all over the country making an absolute wally of myself at secondary schools in my attempt to save the world, primarily by stopping teenagers from crashing into each other. I’m apparently a road safety expert, however, this week I have had my car examined for valuation purposes and it appears that I have scraped, scratched, dinged and reversed my car into more things than the young lad who was examining my vehicle had seen in a long time. I was slightly embarrassed by his “evaluation” of my car knowing what I do for a living, so giggled slightly. When asked why I was so coy, I told him that it was all rather obvious considering what I do…………… my irony was lost on him, his response was, “So you’re a get away driver?” I shall be handing in my notice very shortly……………
So, getting away from my disastrous driving skills, let’s move on to my triumphant dog training! Oh yes, everyone told me that once Spencer reached two years, he would calm down dramatically. Still regularly seen carrying tight rope walker sized balancing sticks, taking out a runner, two cyclists and me on several occasions (this month alone), I hoped we’d seen the last of his embarrassing moments. Alas no, this morning, he carted me off away from the school gates (as per usual), I did as I would always do, lock my knees, lean back and use every 75kilos of loveliness to stop the bugger and then it happened, collar snaps, dog runs off, nothing from keeping ME upright any longer so backwards I fall straight into a holly bush infront of one of year 2’s TA’s. Took me a while to get out of that bush. How Mrs H managed to keep a straight and sympathetic face I will never know.
I always feel after one of these kinds of starts to the day, that being jolly and friendly somehow makes up for one’s misdemeanours. So, having dropped my rather sorry looking car off at the garage for a bit of “bodywork”, I greeted a lovely friendly looking gentleman standing outside the car showroom with a very enthusiastic, “Good morning, sun’s out, enjoy”! It was only when I saw a rather handsome looking salesman holding his sides that I realised I had just greeted the back of a truck with a large, LIFE SIZED photograph of a lovely, friendly looking gentleman………………

There is no glass of wine large enough for today. I am signing off in defeat. Sadly for the world, this is only temporary. With love Em x

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