Christmas gifts

Seasonal humiliation and festive cock ups!

Oh Emma, with just days to go until Christmas, I’ve excelled myself when it comes to seasonal humiliation and festive cock ups.

How not to make friends.

It started a week ago with an unreasonable urge to introduce myself to the parent of one of child 3’s new classmates when we bumped into him at the swimming pool. Before I could stop myself and instead of saying hello, I found myself commenting on the size of his package and the style of his pants. It just popped out, so to speak, before my brain could engaged. And there is no amount of digging that can get you out that stellar awkward moment.

Christmas gifts

I may have got my measurements wrong!

That on its own might not have been too bad for my reputation but then I found myself with another uncontrollable urge to stroke the headmistress in the middle of the local church service (well she did have a delightfully fluffy sweater on) and then I accidently said “shit” into the church microphone and watched the shocked congregation as my words echoed their way up to the alter. I’m ashamed to admit it’s not the first time I’ve found myself stroking a stranger and with the season of good will upon us, I am now officially the village weirdo.

A bit of a do.

I thought I’d make amends by hosting a sophisticated soirée for the local folk. But apparently, it’s not enough to just think about inviting people, you do actually have to invite them and ideally before the event is due to take place. Now I have 67 mince pies and several gallons of mulled wine to single handedly get through but at least I have a clean house. And of the few guests I did remember to invite, I managed to suggest to my neighbour that my friend, (former teacher and fellow guest ) had taken her teenage son on holiday.  It’s so not what I meant if only she had waited for me to explain.

Christmas disasters

Maths and numbers were never my strong point.

To top it all, when I went to bed, I  found that i’d only put make up on the left side of my face and no the right. I guess that is seasonal schizophrenia for you.

The perfect Christmas Gift.

I thought at least I was on top of the Christmas present thing with an online order heading my way. But it appears I’ve been buying for the Little People. The toy gun (I know – not PC) I bought for child 2 arrived through the post and turned out to be no bigger than my finger nail and the journal I bought for my dad is the size of my thumb. As for the rest of the presents they seem to be some where out there in the Ether along with my spirit of Christmas.

So let us charge our virtual glasses dear Emma and all you mothers out there and brace ourselves for the inevitable disaster that is a family Christmas and look forward to abnormal service being resumed in January.

Happy Christmas to you all and a mayhem free New Year!

One thought on “Seasonal humiliation and festive cock ups!

  1. janine@thegoodlifefrance

    Oh dear – I want to say I am sure it will only get better but I can’t bring myself to commit! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and may all your mince pies by like Fanny’s (Fanny Craddock, the famed TV cook that is)…. !

    Reply

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