Ah dear…………..

My dearest Lucy,

Reading your letter was a great comfort to me, I think most people, well when I say “people” I of course mean parents feel that if they take their eyes of their kids for an instant all hell breaks loose. This week, however, it was me who should not have been left unsupervised.

Monday :  kids all coated and scarved up so where are my ….king car keys…….. scramble through my pockets, through the children’s pockets and finally have a moment of lucidity, try the handbag. This was to lead me to the answer, but not quite in the way you may expect. Whilst rifling frantically through what can only be described as the “turdis” of handbags I come across a chicken fillet wrapped in cellophane. I know exactly where the car keys are. They are of course in the freezer where the chicken fillet should have been. Now even though I desperately want to find the keys in the short term, there is an enormous part of me that wants to be wrong about the freezer thing………….. but there they are, all nice and cold……… my sanity however, has left the building.


How to parent badly!

Wednesday : Milk off, race to the garage on the roundabout. Fill up with diesel hastily, race back to the car and get in the drivers seat. A really sweet, quite attractive lady is sitting next to me in the passenger seat. “Hello there”, she says calmly. It takes me what feels like a lifetime to slowly look straight at this lovely lady and say “I’m in the wrong car aren’t I?” I gather myself and with one eye closed look over to the car next to me and there are my lovely children gazing on in disbelief. I do my best mortified face, apologise profusely and scuttle out of the car. I am welcomed to my actual car with “you did it again didn’t you Mummy?” . There are no words.

Thursday : My youngest daughter has announced that she would like to change her name by deed poll to Howard. She is wearing Austin Powers glasses and her hair in a side pony tail. I think this is as a direct result of my parenting. I calmly ask her if it’s nice having a Mummy like me. There is a considered silence and then “it’s tricky to explain Mummy, you’re um, different?” I’ve gone off that word. Different.

Madness of motherhood

It shouldn’t happen to a dog

Friday : Next week I will do better. I will not be different, I will be sophisticated, conventional, inspirational and moreover professional! Two glasses down, only 7pm………………… : )

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