Oh yes Lucy, my week has been a massive improvement on yours. Let me give you a few moments in my “perfect parent” week:
Monday : 15 Parentmail messages in my inbox. Chose to skim read them all. Would have been a better idea to do “actual reading”.The prayer (which by the way never gets answered) is that I haven’t ignored the one that is my “final call” to sign permission slip number 46 to allow my child to attend the ONE event that they have been “dying” to go to ALL year. Message of ultimate importance ignored.
Tuesday : Summoned to the office. My child has been left off the trip of a lifetime because despite “numerous” reminders (that’s like only 3 right?!) for me to fill in the permission slip I “failed” (the longest word EVER when said by the school secretary) so we ALL get punished! Even slumping into the office chair and pleading insanity and mild alcoholism hasn’t cut it. Can’t we just fill in a blanket “all singing all dancing permission slip” which entitles the school to take your child hiking for a month in Australia ?! I’ve never said “no” have I? Damn and blast, that woman hates me!
Wednesday : Enrichment day. I have put on my patient face and sympathetic smile. It’s gone within 2 minutes of watching little J pick his nose and wipe it all down my daughter’s newly washed cardigan. This is the longest hour and a half of your life. Forget root canals or having the piano tuner over, this wins hands down. I have been spotted talking in assembly (again) I was just saying how fabulous the children all were and how much I enjoyed sticking my fingers together with tissue paper, glue and glitter. Minor slip up, duly noted by the headmistress.
Thursday : My children have both forgotten their Ukuleles (yes that’s right I said Ukuleles). I am beginning to think that one of us is doing this deliberately. The teacher is informed (as is the usual pattern on a Thursday) only this time she says that all the teachers have got their cameras at the ready in case I do actually remember one day, they’ve said it will be a “Kodak Moment”. They definitely hate me.
Friday : Cake raffle day, Lucy. I should know this, I have been taking my children to this place for 6 years now. But oh no, Little K comes out with her bottom lip quivering, apparently she won the cake raffle for the first time but some mother had forgotten to make the cake. A huge sigh of shock reverberates around the playground. Why at this moment did I choose to break the tension by saying “dear oh dear, that’s just the kind of thing I would do!” Turns out it WAS me, both my children are mortified. They hate me too. perhaps next week will be better.